Breathe Right!

Something akin to the sound of a howler monkey in heat crossed with a potbellied pig strung out on meth is the sound of my husband's explosive snores the last few nights.

Now, I must begin this post by saying this is not a nightly occurrence. Perhaps it's all the late hours he's been putting in, maybe it's the change in climate, but our bedroom was beginning to sound like a scene from "Apocalypse Now" and not in a good way. Usually a snore from Jeff is just a blip on the nighttime radar, no biggie and nothing a poke or a nudge can't fix.

But lately his breathing (after the potbellied/howler phase) begins this unstoppable course to sounding like an asthmatic bear. A really big, really asthmatic bear. With a deviated septum. And adenoids. And he's grumpy. No amount of poking or prodding could snap him out of it (and I always feel bad when I'm doing it, I mean one of us is sleeping, right?). Was this a growing trend or just an anomaly? Well I had plenty of dark, sleepy, noisy time to think about it. I wasn't going to take any chances, the next day I went to the drugstore and got some Breathe Right strips. You know those little sticky strips you put over your nose and it holds your nasal passages open? Actually, I bought the generic brand called "Drug-Free Nasal strips". (Seriously? Is there another option laced with LSD? New! Sleep better and have way freakier dreams!!! Expand your mind and your nasal passages!)
I went to bed that night with fear that I would be let down by a glorified Biore strip. I mentally pleaded: "Don't let me down little strips! Please!" Within 15 minutes of Jeff dozing off I was a convert. Not one of those lame converts that smiles and admits the 'felt something' no. I was a stand up in church, lift my hand to the sky, and sing a five minute long HALLELUJAH kind of convert. These little babies are the shiznit. Amazing. I had my doubts, but after the most beautiful night's sleep I'd had in a week I wanted to make-out with those strips. Seriously. Or at least a really sloppy kiss and a wink. Don't tell Jeff...


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