That poop story I told on the run a few weeks ago.

I have a story to tell. Don't ask me how I know it, and I promise it wasn't me.
One night Zelda (the name has been changed to protect the guilty) was on a date. Zelda, her date and a group of friends went back to her date's apartment. Zelda, upon reflecting on the needs of her own body, realized that it was time to visit the loo. Zelda was obviously a very empowered girl, not one to take social convention into consideration when toddling off to the john because she was not going off to pee she was going to get all #2 up in that bathroom. Oh, and she did. Did she ever. Evidently the deed that could not be undone was also not going to be bested by a flushing toilet. Oh no, this was the Cassius Clay of poops and it was not going down without a fight. Try as she might, Zelda could not make it go away. Zelda was Lady McBeth and that poop was the &^*#$ spot. It floated there, mocking her, as time ticked away and was slowly passing from "Oh, she just takes a long time in the bathroom" to
"What is going on in there? Should we knock? Do you think she needs help?"
"What exactly would she need help with?"
So, (and soooooo many questions arise in my head at this point - let me tell you). She made the conclusion that she was going to have to take the thing home with her. Oh, you read right. She was going to take the abominable Mr. Stinky home to dispose of in an undisclosed location (Seriously. I never found out what she did with it). So, swaddling it carefully and thoroughly in toilet paper*, she put the monstrous poop in.....her purse. You can stop reading for a second to digest that little piece of information. This is where I stopped. I was floored and speechless. In hindsight I would have asked so many more questions like:
1. How much longer did the date last?
2. No one asked about the smell?
3. Did she get asked out again?

With that, may you have a very happy, uncomplicated, regular but not unmanageable, Wednesday.


Kristin said…
Yes this is the trump story at ANY event!
Anonymous said…
Very amusing and quite realistic - even the idea to take it home or at least out of the hosts' house... Life as it comes...
Meesh said…
This was a certain former roomate of ours that related this story to us...I remember it well, as I'm sure did Rob, since I'm pretty sure he heard about it too.
Meesh said…
Wasn't this the story of a certain former roommate of ours? I'm certain I heard it before...
Jamie Kyle said…
We at the Kyle household need details. One question, was this a length issue, or a width issue. Because that really determines how we would about handling the situation. Also we questions regarding the density and solidity of the object.

Once we are aware of these factors, we can proper assessment.

Thank you.

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