This is my fight song (part one)

I remember in middle school feeling really, really angry for a little while.  I felt this power boiling inside of me and there was quite literally nothing I could do about it and no way to give it expression.  I felt like I had this lioness inside me that just wanted out.  I was tired of being quiet, I was tired of being sweet;  tired of having to fit into some mold that I was never able to fit into.  I would like to finish this little story with a quick and tidy line about how I stood up for my individuality and lived happily, radically ever after.
Not so, grasshopper.  My desire to conform won this round.  I chained the beast, I took up running to tire her out, and tried my best to find my way without making too many waves.  I finished highschool, went to college a the conservative Brigham Young University (I loved my time there, by the way, it is a great school), went on a mission and went to graduate school, got married and had kids.  The beast rattled the cage occasionally but it wasn't until about 5 years ago that I really started to notice how much I missed her...
Luckily, blessedly, things change.  People change.  I have been given another chance to bring out that beautiful beast.  I can't believe after 20 years of stuffing her in the closet that she is still so vibrant.   But I am writing this post to tell you, and her/me that I am done with trying to fit into a role that I never chose in the first place.  I am not always going to agree with you anymore.  I am going to push back.  I am going to challenge the consensus (as well as my own hidden prejudices as well).   Of course, I am not out to start a fight, but I am letting my girl out of the cage.  Honestly, I quite like having her around.


Meesh said…
Such a thoughtfully and well crafted post! It makes me love and respect you all the more. I am so happy and honored to have been able to witness the unchanging of your fiery, passionate beast.
There's so much to your experience that I think many of us resonate with (I know do). Keep writing, Am. You have a gift and a powerful and important voice.

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